


To Be Yuu

by rayofsun936



Series: To Live Life as Your Authentic Self [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Puberty, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Nishinoya Yuu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22914628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayofsun936/pseuds/rayofsun936
Summary: "Wait! before we start a new round I want to change my character.""Seriously? But Link is your main? Who else would you want to possibly play as?" Ryuu gives her a confused look. Since the beginning of their game nights she has always played as Link.Yuu doesn't answer as she quietly moves her cruiser over to the Wii Fit Trainer."Really bro?" Ryuu has an eye brow raised waiting for an explanation."Because…" she trails off. Damn, it shouldn't be this hard. She lives by a code. The one her grandpa helped build her life around. She can do this.
Relationships: Nishinoya Yuu & Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Series: To Live Life as Your Authentic Self [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1647019
Comments: 8
Kudos: 82





	To Be Yuu

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [born of the ice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10439478) by [anirondack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anirondack/pseuds/anirondack). 



Yuu is a quiet kind of girl. She always listens to her parents, stays inside, and keeps herself occupied.

This is advantageous for her parents because they are always busy and have an image and reputation to maintain. Her parents don't see a problem in the fact that Yuu prefers to stay inside and play by herself. It makes it easier to keep track of her. In fact, Yuu is so well behaved her parents don't even bother to hire a babysitter when they go out.

Yuu is proud she can make her parents happy by staying at home by herself, keeping quiet, and smiling whenever someone talks to her.

… … …

It started when she was being watched by one of Grandpa’s many girls that he brought to his place while her parents were having a very important business dinner at her house.

Yuu is a cute adorable toddler just becoming steady on her feet, who enjoys running around in circles in her backyard when her legs decide to obey her. The girls would let Yuu play with their hair and help paint their nails; as much as you can with a three-year-old. When one of the girls offered Yuu to have her nails painted she agreed with starry eyes.

Her grandpa drops her off at home early that night with sparkly pink nails and tinny bows in her hair. She runs to find her mom, needing to tell her all about her wonderful day at Grandpa's.

Yuu's smile falls off her face once she sees her mom's look of horror. Her dad looks to be in a state of shock. The guests stare with their mouths open.

"Go to your room Yuu, Grandpa will come up in a bit to read you a bedtime story." Yuu listens in leaving the room but doesn't go to her room. Instead she stays in the hallway, sitting close enough to listen in but far away enough so they don't see her shadow. Yuu's smart like that.

"How could you let him do that to himself?! I thought you were watching him?!"

"I was watching him the entire time. Brought him back in one piece, happy and fed. What more do you want from me?"

"To help raise him when we are unable to. To teach him right from wrong."

"Um..." Yuu finally hears her dad speak, "how about we dismiss the rest of the party before we continue this discussion?" She stays quiet as her parents apologize to their guests as they leave through the front door.

Her dad speaks again. "Why don't you go make us some tea honey? Then the three of us can talk about this in a civilized manner." Yuu scrambles to make it to her room as her mom makes her way towards the kitchen. This isn't a conversation she wants to hear.

About an hour later Grandpa comes to her room as promised. She's changed into her PJs by now with the bows in the trash and is trying to chip off the paint coating her nails.

"Yuu, stop that. Ya gonna ruin your nails doing that."

"But Mom and Dad are fighting! I have to take it off…"

She hears her grandpa sigh as she starts to work on her pinky. "If you really want the nail polish off let's do it properly with the right tools." Yuu lets her grandpa grab the bottle of smelly liquid and a handful of cotton balls to finish the removal process.

"Yuck!"

"Yuck indeed little one. Now hold still." Yuu listens and lets her grandpa have an easier time getting rid of the sparkles. "Tell me how you feel. You can be honest with me Yuu. I am not going to be mad at ya."

"are you going to tell mom and dad?"

"No."

Yuu still hesitates. Deciding to focus on the disappearance of pink from her hands. Yuu has a lot of feelings and doesn't have the words to talk about them. She's only three.

"You don't have to tell me anything until you are ready. Okay?" Yuu just nods along. "Can I have my bedtime story now?" Her grandpa lets out a sigh and agrees that it’s storytime. Yuu lights up and runs to her bookshelf to pick out her favorite princess story.

She falls asleep that night feeling happy and loved.

… … …

Yuu isn't stupid.

She knows her mom isn't letting her see Grandpa anymore. Yuu knows she is spending more time at home. Even when her parents have business dinners.

Sometimes during those dinners she stays in the special spot in the hallway and listens in. Just to defy Mom. She doesn't have anything else to do anyways.

It’s during these times she learns that something is wrong with her. That she isn't what the world wants her to be. That she isn't who her mom wants her to be.

Yuu doesn't understand.

She wants to talk to Grandpa about it, but she isn't allowed to talk to him without Mom in the room.

That’s when her mom starts bringing her friends over and having them play with her. Their games together aren’t as fun. There are no bows or nail polish. Instead they act out proper behaviors and etiquette coupled with long conversations about societal expectations.

Yuu sits quietly in confusion during those lectures. None of it makes sense.

Her dad is always in the background during the times she spends with Mom's friends. He never says anything. Just looks on in silence with a sad look on his face. Yuu starts to hate her dad as well.

Why isn't he helping her? Why doesn't he rescue her from this torture like a knight in shining armor? Why can't he see she is the princess surrounded by sharks and dragons?

… … …

Yuu is older now, almost six and can better put words to her feelings. She decides to write them all down in a journal. This way she won’t forget any details when she finally gets to report everything to Grandpa.

Her mom finds the journal.

Yuu then learns to fear the world. Learns to do what she is told because everything she does on her own is wrong. She learns to comply to the societal expectations her mom's friends laid out because it means she can escape to her room faster. She learns the very way she thinks is wrong and no one bothers to explain why.

So now Yuu sits quietly and obeys her mom's every command. This way no one yells at her. She can exist in a room in peace and quiet.

… … …

One summer during her second year of school Yuu is finally able to see Grandpa again. Her dad and mom both have to attend an overseas business trip and none of Mom's friends are available to check in on her for the month.

Yuu is super excited to see him again but also nervous. It has been years since she talked to Grandpa. What if he hates her too?

She sits in the living room of Grandpa's house quietly. Dad decided to stay in the car to make sure it doesn't get towed. Mom and Grandpa are quietly arguing at the front door. Yuu ignores them, opting to listen to the ticking of the grandfather clock.

After a century her mom eventually leaves and Grandpa brings in glasses of lemonade.

"So Yuu, long time no see. How have you been?"

Yuu knows how to answer. She was taught properly. "I have been good Grandpa. School is going well. I am not failing any of my classes and I hold all the doors open for the girls in my class." Yuu is proud of herself for remembering all of that.

Her grandpa stops drinking his lemonade and stares at her. Yuu gets a feeling that she screwed up somehow, even though she said everything right.

"Who taught you to talk like that? You are seven years old, correct? Where'd you get that outfit? You look like a kid playing grown-up." Yuu blinks in shock. That is not the response she was expecting.

"Umm… Mom's friends make sure I speak and act correctly for my age, which is seven and Mom picks out my clothes. I can't be trusted to choose appropriate clothing. Not after I chose…" she trails off, looking down at her current outfit. It consists of a deep blue polo with khaki pants and dress shoes.

Grandpa continues to stare at her. He's been doing that a lot lately. Must be a new habit he picked up. "Well that isn't going to work while you're here." He abruptly leaves the living room and starts mumbling about keys, gas, and money. Yuu continues to sit on the couch in a state of confusion.

"Common kid. Let's go."

"Where?"

"To the store obviously. You pick the clothes. I don't know what's in style these days, but I’m positive it isn't that."

Half an hour later Yuu finds herself standing outside a clothing store with about 5,000 yen, a handful of suckers, and instructions to meet up with Grandpa at the food court within an hour.

Yuu is terrified.

She knows a correct answer and a wrong answer. Following through with the _right_ answer is hard.

Yuu quickly picks out clothes her mom would approve of, pays, and sits at a table in a corner of the food court with two suckers in her mouth at a time and tears running down her cheeks.

That's how Grandpa finds her 45 minutes later. He looks through the bag of clothes, huffs, and drags her back to the clothes store. He returns everything she bought and buys a handful of brightly colored t-shirts with idioms on them and a few pairs of shorts. He throws in a good pair of sneakers as well.

They go back to his house and sit in silence. Yuu can see her grandpa thinking. Trying to piece together how she went from loud, rambunctious, and unapologetic to the quiet, reserved, crying mess she is today.

She doesn't offer any hints. She doesn't remember how she got here. She would know if she still had her journal, but her mom threw away the pages that kept track of her feelings. Yuu doesn't remember how she felt back then. Or she does, but it’s buried deep underneath everything she needs to know.

Yuu spends the rest of the month at her grandpa's in silence. A few days before her parents are to return home she finds out she is going to stay at his house for a couple more. 

Yuu doesn't mind, it's better than home. Here she doesn't have to listen to her mom's friends. Here she doesn't have to worry about doing or saying the wrong thing.

That is until her grandpa calls her out on her bluff. She isn't quiet and well behaved to keep up the image of being the perfect son. No, she’s a quiet good kid because she is terrified of the consequence of not being who she should be.

Her grandpa rages about this and has a very long yelling match with her mom over the phone. Yuu continues to sit quietly on the couch, listening to the tick of the grandfather clock.

The following days are filled with more silence. Yuu sits on the couch and Grandpa in his chair. Lemonade on the table between them.

Her grandpa huffs. "Get up kid. Get dressed. We're going out. You are going to be fearless." Yuu automatically complies.

Those next few months are terrifying and filled with more tears than she has ever shed before. During these tear-filled months Yuu learns she is not going to be yelled at for everything she tries or does. She learns how to overcome her fears through a code her grandpa teaches her to live by. To always try the things she fears, cause not knowing how she will truly feel about them is a waste. If she's still scared she can always get help.

After learning the code from her grandpa, Yuu is back to her rambunctious, unapologetic self. She is back to making messes and being unreasonably loud. She starts to explore and experience things she kept hidden from herself the past four years.

Her grandpa starts to bring his friends over again and they go back to putting bows in her hair and polish on her nails. The bows are more subdued, and the polish doesn't contain sparkles, and all of it disappears before she goes back to school, but she doesn't care. She is rediscovering herself and is the happiest she's been in a long time.

She gains more confidence in school and her grades go up. She starts socializing more and makes actual friends. She is still the weird kid but ends up fitting in with all of the other weird kids.

Through them she discovers volleyball and joins the local youth center's team. It's a mixed group of ages and genders because there aren't any strict regulations at grade school level. It's mostly used as a daycare program and to encourage kids to exercise.

Yuu doesn't mind when she is constantly put on the girls team to keep the groups even when the instructor decides to divide them up by genders. The other boys make fun of her and she plays along a bit. Knowing that being put on the girls team shouldn't make her this happy.

She develops the habit of constantly challenging the boys. Daring them to admit that they're scared a bunch of girls are gonna beat them. The taunts work, and no one catches onto the fact that Yuu includes herself among the girls.

Yuu is not stupid. Yes she isn't the smartest. Her grades aren't the best, but they are improving. Yes she doesn't always think everything through. Her thought process isn't linear. The point being she isn't the smartest, but she isn't stupid either.

Yuu knows she is born with the body of a male. People constantly won't let her forget that fact. She is not stupid. She chooses to actively ignore this fact. It's unimportant. Irrelevant. This fact isn't stopping her from doing what she wants to do right now, so why worry about it?

She is content with living life with how it is currently.

… … …

Her mom ends up staying overseas. She got a promotion that requires her to stay in an office in some country Yuu doesn't care to remember. Yuu moves back in with her dad.

Soon after Yuu starts living with her dad again, he and Grandpa have a very long conversation in the office room of her house. She isn't invited into the secretes they exchange. Instead one of Grandpa's friends keeps her occupied in the living room teaching her a new card game that involves slapping. It's a fun game.

Her dad apologizes to her during dinner that night for the things he’s done. Yuu doesn’t understand. She accepts the apologies anyways because having her dad apologizing to her is awkward.

Following the awkward diner Yuu slowly watches her wardrobe transition from the stuffy outfits her mom choose to the t-shirts and ripped jeans her dad buys. She also doesn't have to continue the horrible lessons with Mom's friends even though she is back in her own house.

Her dad allows her to visit Grandpa whenever she wants and even lets her sleep over on the weekends. Both of them attend her volleyball games against other youth centers.

Yuu is scared that her mom will come back and take away her new life, even though her dad assures her that it won't happen. She only believes that to be true once all of Mom's stuff gets packed up into a van that disappears into the sunset.

… … …

Yuu's dad and grandpa sit her down at the kitchen table winter of her last year in elementary school. They ask her which junior high she wants to go to. She proudly states the all-boys school that is next to an all-girls school.

"Why?" Her dad asks with confusion.

"Because the two schools collaborate a lot and this way I'll be next to some amazing girls. Maybe they’ll let me play with them since I'll be part of their partner school!" Yuu is supper proud of her answer. She worked really hard on getting all the words right for weeks.

Her dad looks like he doesn’t understand which doesn't make sense. Her logic is flawless. She triple checked.

"Not happening." Yuu swings her head around to glare at her grandpa. "There is no way I am allowing you to make yourself miserable like that. An all-boys school is not a school you will be attending. _Ever_."

"How do you know that I will be miserable, humm? You can't know that until I try."

"This is not how I want you to apply that code of yours."

"Your mistake to teach it to Yuu in the first place Dad." Yuu watches as Grandpa and Dad have a mini staring contest. Dad wins.

"Look Yuu, your Grandpa and I have looked around for schools that will be a good fit for you in the area. Chidoriyama is a powerhouse for volleyball. Boys and Girls. You'll have to wake up a bit earlier to make it to school on time, but we believe it is worth it."

"Fine," Yuu accepts. Her dad's plan is way better than hers anyways. There are no holes in his logic. He mentioned volleyball. "When do we go uniform shopping? I hope it isn't something too stuffy."

"I am going to take you next weekend but…" Yuu waits for her grandpa to complete his sentence.

"Which one would you like us to buy you?" Her dad finishes.

Yuu's brain stops. _Which one?_ She’s never thought about choosing which uniform to wear. Didn’t think it was an option to choose. Do other people get to choose? She doesn’t think so. So why her? Why does she get the choice to _choose?_

"Boys? Why would you buy me the girls?"

Grandpa clears his throat before speaking again. "We can buy it for you if that is what you want. Junior high is a big step from elementary. We want to give you options on how you take that step." Yuu stares at her grandpa, not knowing what to say.

"After you choose a uniform I can get started on your registration papers." Yuu turns her head to stare at her dad and then at the table.

She doesn't know what to do. The idea of wearing the girls uniform gives her feelings she doesn't know how to describe. The boys uniform is the only thing she knows. Why is she being given the choice to choose? No one else gets to choose. Why does she?

"Can I decide when we go shopping?"

"Of course sweetie. It's a big decision." Her dad and grandpa leave her at the table to sort through her thoughts.

When the time comes she picks the boys uniform. Her grandpa gives her a sad look at the checkout line. She avoids eye contact. She knows she chose wrong, she can feel it, deep down. She doesn't know why it feels wrong and it frustrates her.

Yuu is not stupid. The taunts and whispers at school are already getting harder to ignore. She can no longer brush them off as harmless comments of curiosity and stupidity.

She isn't stupid. Her group of friends can only protect her so much, for they have their own whispers and taunts to deal with.

Yuu knows she should face her problems head on like how she was taught. She isn't stupid. But she can't. She can't ask bravery and courage to help her find the answers to questions she doesn't even know how to ask.

When she tries asking the same bravery and courage that helped her face her fear of dogs, and bikes, and strange-looking foods to help her now, she feels them hiding in the shadows, refusing to come out.

… … …

Yuu concludes that middle school is awful and it’s only been the first week.

She tried. She tried really hard to be who society expects her to be. To give it one more chance. To make sure the whispers and taunts don't follow her here, even though the people didn't. She got all the right clothes. All the right words. All the right actions.

And it doesn't work. It doesn't work and it _hurts_. She learns obeying society hurts more than listening to the taunts and whispers.

Yuu tries to figure out why being at home is so easy and being at school is so hard. Why elementary school was so much easier compared to now. She tries to figure out why she is different from everyone else. Different from the girls. Different from the boys. Different from the other volleyball players.

She's never felt this terrible at home in the past, with Grandpa, and Dad, and Grandpa's friends. She thinks she felt this way along time ago but can't remember. Her mom threw away the memories.

Everything continues to feel wrong. Wrong wrong wrong and she can't put words into why everything is very very wrong. Yuu can only say that it is.

Every night she lies in bed, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling and asks why everything is wrong, and why nothing makes sense. Answers refuse to show themselves.

… … …

Yuu wakes up one day and makes the decision to stop wasting her energy in trying to figure out why the boys make fun of her and why the girls refuse to be her friend. She stops wasting energy in trying to find answers that refuse to be found.

Instead she focuses her energy on surviving her classes. Making sure she won't fail out of any of them. To get through a school day with as little interaction as possible.

She knows her grandpa and dad know she doesn't talk about her friends as often as she did. She knows they know she doesn't have as many friends as she did. She isn't stupid. She ignores their concern.

Yuu makes sure to keep her focus on volleyball, cause volleyball is the only time she gets a break. Volleyball doesn't demand to know who she is. Volleyball doesn't ask questions she can't answer. Volleyball doesn't care she doesn’t have any friends. Volleyball only cares about not touching the floor and Yuu is more than happy to grant that wish.

Volleyball lets Yuu be herself, whoever that is. Volleyball lets her do what she wants. Volleyball lets her become faster, quicker, better. Volleyball will let her become the best libero anyone has ever seen. That will shut everyone up. The only things they will say about her then will be: “Nishinoya is amazing! Did you see that save? Not even the third-year libero would have been able to dig that ball!”

Everything else about her will become irrelevant, unimportant. She will make sure that the only thing she will be known for and talked about is _volleyball_.

… … …

To say that Yuu absolutely hates her body would be a deceptive lie.

She loves that she can build better musculature than her genetically female counterparts. Loves that she can eat enough for a small army and still stay as skinny and light as she is, even with constant exercise and weight lifting.

To be honest, her small stature doesn't bother her as much as she displays it to be.

As she looks around her and sees puberty hitting everyone like the bullet train from Sendai to Tokyo, she isn't bothered.

All the boys are getting taller, with deeper voices. The locker room is starting to smell worse as the school year progresses.

The girls around her start developing breasts with widening hips. She hears excited whispers about 'the dreaded time of the month' and exclusive shopping trips for hidden supplies that they enter the bathroom with and leave without.

Yuu doesn’t understand the excitement surrounding any of these changes and when none of those changes happen to her, she doesn't whine or pout like other classmates she knows. She doesn't understand the hype.

And yet, she makes sure she talks as high pitched as possible at home. She stays up as late as she can. Pulling multiple all-nighters because she read somewhere that sleep helps promote growth, and that boys grow taller than girls, and get _two_ growth spurts instead of one.

Yuu doesn't know why she does these things, only that her instincts tell her to. They tell her to keep puberty at bay as long as possible, even though it shows no signs of paying her a visit. Thinking if she gets a far enough head start, maybe puberty will give up and never bother to chase her. Having no puberty is better than a puberty she never asked for.

Reality hits her one morning when she wakes up with a supper uncomfortable feeling down below. She takes a peak under her PJs and almost wakes her dad up with her horrified scream. She rushes to the shower and keeps it as cold as possible, shivering miserably the whole time.

Once her body is back to normal she shuffles out and gets ready for school. Shame fills her as she pushes the incident to the back of her mind. Telling herself that this is a one-time thing.

She increases her efforts to keep puberty away from her. There is no way she is going to let it catch up to her again.

The morning incident happens again, and again, and again. Each time leaving a scar on her mind. The truth can no longer be denied. Everything she learned in gender specific Sex Ed class is happening.

She gets a growth spurt and shoots up five inches in just as many months. Her speech is constantly interrupted with squeaks and cracks. Hair starts showing up in unwanted places in an unwanted quantity. Dread fills her.

She renews her dedication to volleyball. Volleyball is where she can continue to ignore the changes happening without her permission. Here she can focus on the parts of her body that she likes and appreciates. Such as building muscle, feeling blessed that she is having an easier time than her female counter parts. Here Yuu can feel relief in the fact she is still shorter than average for boys despite her recent growth spurt, which thankfully keeps her just below average among the girls.

Yuu starts focusing on making the changes she can control happen. Such as enhancing her reflexes and reaction time now that she has the speed and endurance part down. She starts working on becoming the best libero to ever exist.

She creates Noya and lets him take up more of a presence at school. Yuu makes sure Noya is as loud and rambunctious as she is. Gives him more ego and confidence than she could ever have. She starts growing her hair out for herself and spikes it to enhance Noya's delinquent bad ass angle. Willing to do anything to make people believe more in Noya and forget to pick on Yuu.

Maybe Noya will be nice enough to share some of his confidence with her. Maybe Noya will let her experience some of his popularity.

Noya isn't able to grant those wishes.

The rest of her plan works for the most part. Noya is able to help keep the attention off of her and the taunts and whispers finally stop.

When she looks in the mirror she sees Noya staring back at her. Feeling grateful that Noya is her protector, her guardian. He allows her to block everything else out.

Noya receives the award for Best Libero even though _she_ helped bring her team to the prefecture quarter finals. She did all the work and Noya gets all the credit. But that's okay, because Noya lets Yuu have all the credit and appreciation she deserves once she gets to the privacy of her home.

… … …

Yuu's been trying her best to avoid her grandpa, knowing he is going to continue to push Yuu into being herself. _Whoever that is._

Her suspicions are confirmed when he corners her into helping clean up his back yard during the time of high school entrance exams.

"So Yuu," her grandpa starts. She doubles her efforts in making sure the leaf pile doesn't blow away in the wind. "How are your exams going?" He finishes.

"Alright," she replies. A few leaves make a break for it. Yuu catches them and traps them in the garbage bag.

"Have you decided which school to attend? I heard that Shiratorizawa recruited you for their Mens team after you received the Best Libero award at your last tournament." Her grandpa sneers out the 'mens' part of the sentence.

Yuu spots a few leaves she missed and rushes to imprison them in the plastic with the rest of their brethren. "I declined their offer." She hears a grunt of approval.

"Does that mean they'll let you on their Womens team? I know they aren't as well off as their Mens, but you can make them great. Shiratorizawa would be a double threat…" he drifts off, dreaming of a reality that isn't possible. Why her grandpa keeps on bringing up womens volleyball is beyond her comprehension.

"Actually… I'm going to Karasuno."

Her grandpa pauses in dragging the plastic filled bags to the dumpster. "A no name school like that? Both their mens and womens teams haven't made it past the second round in any tournament in years." Yuu knows this. "You got best libero in the prefecture. You can go to any school you want.”

She knows.

“Any school!" Her grandpa emphasizes.

Yuu knows. She knows she has her pick of any school she wants cause of her volleyball. She isn't stupid.

But high school is a completely different ball game than junior high. In high school there is an illogical 5% chance that they might actually ban her from playing volleyball for the rest of forever because she unconsciously forgets about her dreams of playing on a team she isn't meant to be on.

The mere thought of her never being able to play volleyball ever again fills her with terror. She knows instinctively the pain of never being able to play will be far worse than the current pain she’s in. She stays silent.

"Karasuno eh?! Please tell me the advantages of attending Karasuno over Shiratorizawa."

"Easier entrance exam."

"Sports scholarship, remember? Entrance exam is irrelevant. Next excuse."

"Closer to home. Less travel time."

"Their campus has dorms. Classes and the gym will be right outside your room. Next."

"The girls uniform is really cute…" she whispers to herself. She turns around to check if her grandpa heard her. He did, judging by the way he is staring at her. Yuu unconsciously hunches in on herself. He wasn't meant to hear that.

"Stop slouching Yuu. You’re going to end up with a hunch-back once you're each my age." Yuu straightens up reflexively. "I'll call the school on Monday to make sure they don't give ya any hassle. You did pass their entrance exam, correct? Their womens team is terrible but you can bring them up from–"

"NO!!"

Silence rings in the back yard. She didn't mean to scream. She’s just frustrated that he keeps insisting she play on the womens team. It doesn't make any sense. Yuu resists the urge to fold over herself, not needing another lecture from Grandpa.

"Explain," he states into the silence. She gulps, knowing he is going to hate her decision.

"I am going to play on their mens team, so there is no reason to call the school." The silence continues.

"When are you going to let yourself have what you want?" Yuu doesn't answer cause she doesn't know what he is talking about. She _is_ letting herself get what she wants. She wants volleyball, and Karasuno has volleyball.

Yuu decides to return to her task of imprisoning leaves, letting the silence speak for her. She hears her grandpa sigh in defeat as he turns around to start his task of pulling weeds from the vegetable garden. "Fine. You can go to Karasuno."

Yuu smiles as she catches a few more runaways.

… … …

Yuu is ready for her first day of high school. She's got Noya in her back pocket and he is ready to wreak havoc. She made sure to get a full night’s sleep so Noya can go full throttle at making the best first impressions. This is high school after all.

She tries her best to pay attention in class, but volleyball is just around the corner. The instant the bell rings she rushes to the gym, bursts through the door, and announces herself as loud as she can. Then her ears are assaulted by a boy with spiky blond hair announcing himself in the same manner with just as much gusto. She is immediately in awe of her fellow teammate and knows this Tanaka person and her are going to be friends for life.

It has only been a total of ten minutes of legal club activities and Yuu and Tanaka are already in trouble for causing a ruckus during official introductions. They are sent to run laps right after warm ups.

After practice, as the team is cooling down the most beautiful g-dess walks through the gym doors and Yuu's brain short circuits with her mouth hanging open.

"MARRY ME!!!" Yuu knows that wasn't her voice and that she doesn't want to marry this girl. She is positive she wants to _be_ this girl. Never before has she felt such a force in wishing she was born a girl.

She turns her head to see Tanaka bowing towards the ultimate g-dess, supreme ruler of her heart. The g-dess replies with a soft, gentle, quiet ‘No’ that demands respect from her subjects. Tanaka’s mouth drops open and he joins Yuu in short circuiting.

Both are useless for the rest of cool down, for similar yet different reasons. They get yelled at again.

She and Tanaka become best friends after that just as she predicted. Taking the title of top trouble makers on the team. They get away with most of their shenanigans by making it up with their volleyball skills.

Yuu learns the g-dess’ name, Shimizu Kiyoko, and falls deeper in love. She can't help but feel completely inadequate every time she is within a 500-meter radius of Kiyoko because she is the embodiment of women hood and femininity.

Yuu can't stop herself in feeling jealous of the shape of her curves and the roundness of her face. And the way she walks around with beauty and grace that rolls off her in waves; leaving Yuu in a blubbering unattractive puddle. She is smitten and doesn't understand why.

Until one night, when she lets herself imagine her life as a woman, like Kiyoko, just to see what happens.

The fog vanishes. She’s a girl. All the way. In every aspect of her being.

The revelation shatters the ground beneath her and pieces it’s self back together in a heaven she never knew existed. Adrenaline fills her system as the excitement in finally finding the answer to the unknown question that has been haunting her life since the beginning of forever brings her peace.

She is a Girl.

But when she really thinks about a possible future of being a girl, just like Kiyoko, with everything it will encompass, she hesitates. There is something not quite right with her newly imagined future.

Yuu decides to push the hesitation aside, cause she has finally found a future that will lessen the pain and confusion she lives with every day.

She drifts off to sleep with the mantra "I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl.”

… … …

As the school year progresses Yuu starts noticing how incredible of a player Asahi-san is. His height. His strength. His ability to spike a ball to almost explode and break apart upon impact. Yuu needs that kind of power. That kind of strength. To radiate power and confidence the way Asahi-san does when he is in the zone.

It confuses her. She isn't a boy. She knows that now. She doesn't want muscles for days, or the stubble that grows on Asahi-san's chin. Or the deep bass of Asahi-san's voice. And yet, there is something alluring about him. Something that makes her want to be him just as much as she wants to be Kiyoko.

Yuu makes the decision to find out more about Asahi-san to get closer to the answers she seeks.

She learns he is a coward, just like her. Learns he is extremely shy, and riddled with anxiety, and puts himself down more than she does. So she sticks around, trying to help him build his confidence. Hoping that the answer to her feelings will be found in the process.

It blossoms into a great friendship, but answers remain missing.

Yuu yells at him after a match against a school that calls themselves ‘The Iron Wall’. She is pissed, and angry, and getting to know more about Asahi doesn't bring her any closer to the answers she seeks. Because Asahi continues to live in his own world, where he constantly puts himself down. He has done it so many times now, Yuu has reached her limit.

She decides to confront him about it. In the hallway, between classes, to get her message through. To find her answer.

Her efforts are rewarded with a broken vase, a months' worth of suspension and answerless.

Suspension is among the worst times of her life. She has nothing to do but wallow and think about herself. She has all the time in the world to debate why she wants to be Kiyoko, and then Asahi-san, and then scream into the void for being cursed with such a confusing and complicated life. She wants the curves and the softness of Kiyoko, her beauty and grace, and silent strength. Yet she needs to have the physical strength of Asahi, his power, his ability to radiate threat to strangers.

Yuu knows sitting around at home and going around in circles with her inner turmoil isn't doing her any good. So once her class suspension is over she hunts down a local old womens team who will allow her to practice with them after school. She introduces herself as Noya, but soon learns Noya isn't needed.

When she comes back to practice with the team she is more settled into herself. Playing with all those old women for the past three weeks has helped her a lot. But gosh she wishes that she can sort out this Kiyoko/Asahi-san business. It would make her life a whole lot easier.

She doesn't have time to further debate herself because one of the first years call her Senpai and praise her volleyball skills. Yuu gets swept up in the collective hurricane force that is all of the new first years.

Figuring herself out can wait a bit longer. She has the job of showing all of these newbies what volleyball is all about.

… … …

Yachi happens and Yuu is flung back into the endless confusing spiral of her feelings. She sees Yachi and Kiyoko have 'girl talk', and the bonds of friendship between girls up close for the first time. For the first time she sees Kiyoko light up during practices and speak more words than she ever did in the total of her previous year at Karasuno.

It is amazing, and wonderful, and Yuu becomes jealous again. Wanting and needing Kiyoko to talk to her the way she talks to Yachi. To get the same reaction out of Kiyoko that Yachi can.

Yuu isn't stupid. She knows why she receives the short replies that are filled with annoyance when she speaks to Kiyoko with Ryuu. She knows she deserves it too. Yuu just can't bring herself to talk to Kiyoko in any other way. Going up with Ryuu is the only way she is able to muster the courage to even speak to her.

Yuu starts slipping again into the depths of her feelings. Asahi-san, Kiyoko and now Yachi running around in her dreams at night.

Grandpa notices her increasing agitation and frustration and tries to help, but Yuu slaps his hands away with curt replies of ‘I'm fine’ even though she is isn't.

She pulls herself together to spite herself. There is no time for her to keep having an existential crisis one after the other with each introduction of a new person. Her feelings can wait. They have already waited this long; a bit longer won't hurt.

Besides, she has to focus on volleyball. Needs to train hard at the Tokyo training camp to make sure their chance to go to Nationals doesn't slip away a second time.

… … …

Karasuno makes it to Nationals.

Yuu is stoked about it and is over flowing with pride. Pride for herself, pride for her team. Pride for the first years who carried half of the match against Shiratorizawa. Pride for the third years for not giving up on them.

Nationals! Yuu's middle school didn't even make nationals when she was awarded Best Libero. Yet here she is, with no award and a spot in the Nationals line up.

Soon after the prefecture finals Kageyama gets invited to the All-Japan Youth Training Camp and Tsukishima gets invited to the Miyagi First-Year Training Camp. She is so proud of them and expresses this joy by completing a handstand on Shouyou's back, having finally built up enough core strength to do so.

She overhears a comment from Asahi, asking why she wasn’t invited to Kageyama's camp. She is of qualifying age, and some second years always end up attending. She knows she has the skills to be part of the top tier training camp of the country, but she keeps her mouth shut. Opting to increase her cheering to drown out the rest of the gym.

Yuu gets home that night and finds out she _has_ been invited to the same training camp as Kageyama. The call went straight to her grandpa instead of Takeda-sensei, because that is how the paperwork got filled out.

Grandpa informs her he was able to get her an invitation to the womens training camp after a long three-hour conversation that included the coaches from both teams. The agreement being if one of the other participants decline their invitation, she can take their spot. Reason being that Yuu is a libero, which doesn't pull that much of an advantage over the rest of the female players.

Yuu throws a fit with Grandpa that night. She is pissed at her grandpa for speaking to professional volleyball coaches about her without her permission. Furious because he keeps making decisions about her life without her input.

There is no way she is going to attend the training camp on the womens team just because they felt pressured to invite her to get an angry relative off their back. There is no way she can justify leaving school for a week at the same time as the other training camps to the team. No way she can come up with a justifiable excuse to Kageyama on why he never saw her at the training camp even though they would both there.

Yuu announces she is willing to attend the mens training camp. Her grandpa regretfully informs her she lost that invitation cause the league can't invite a single person to more than one training camp. Yuu's anger is renewed and the screaming match continues.

Her grandpa is mad at her and calls her a coward. Talks himself blue about this being a great opportunity for her to increase her skills and build a solid foundation to make it big in the division one league after she graduates. He continues to spout on about living as her true self now that she finally knows who that is. To face the challenge she has been putting off for years head on like everything else in her life. Just like he taught her.

He backs off after she _makes_ him realize all of his mistakes.

Yuu understands all the truths within her grandpa's arguments. She isn't stupid. But she isn't ready to take that step.

She still needs to figure some stuff out. Such as what kind of woman she wants to be. What type of girl will fit her best. To solve the Yachi, Asahi-san and Kiyoko equation which continues to keep her up at night.

She stops talking to him for a while. He gives her her space, understanding he messed up.

… … …

Things change at Nationals when she is trying to find where she is supposed to be for the opening ceremony. Yuu’s head is filled with happiness at finally being able to dress up in the same all back uniform at the same time as the rest of her teammates, and she physically runs into the person who will change the rest of her life.

This person being the most beautiful g-dess second to Kiyoko. She is tall, and strong, and puts Yuu back on her feet with such care and ease. Yuu is speechless throughout the whole ordeal, and does her best to soak up everything she can about her.

First fact Yuu process is the g-dess is a volleyball player. Which is obvious based on the volleyball uniform she is wearing for the same national event Yuu is participating in. Second is that the g-dess is a mix of Kiyoko and Asahi with her grace and elegance blended perfectly with her muscle and build. A mix of Asahi and Yachi with her incredible height complementing her slightly curvy shape. A mix of Yachi and Kiyoko in her youthful face radiating her calm collective personality.

That's when Ryuu shouts and jolts Yuu out of her daze. It seems like Ryuu knows her cause they strike up a conversation that flows with the ease of longtime friends. Yuu leaves them alone to catch up, walking away in awe-struck wonder.

Yuu pushes the incident to the back of her mind. She needs to focus on volleyball, on the tournament. She and everyone else on Karasuno worked their collective assess off to get here. She isn't going to screw this up because she might have found the solution to her internal war.

Karasuno makes it past the first round, and then barely scrape by against Inarizaki. The Nekoma match is long and grueling and over in a flash. Many tears are shed after that game, only to be quickly wiped away. Karasuno has made it to the top eight! Then they lose against Kamomedai, but that’s okay. They fought hard. They fought well. They became unforgettable.

After the high of Nationals wares off and the team is back at school, Yuu grills Ryuu about that friend of his. Yuu learns her name is Amanai Kanoka and is an old friend of Ryuu's from primary school, who he introduced volleyball to.

Yuu also learns Amanai-san was offered to try out for multiple division two womens leagues once she graduates. It's only her second year so Yuu believes she will be offered a division one position by the time she graduates. She has seen the way she played at Nationals based on the official tapes and she is just as much of a g-dess on the court as she is off it.

Ryuu plays big on the fact that Amanai-san is his and Yuu reaffirms she is all his. Yuu is ecstatic to find a female volleyball player to look up to. Everything is finally, finally starting to fall into place. She can start believing she can have a future as a professional womens volleyball player the way she wants to.

Yuu can't hold herself back in gushing about Nationals to Grandpa before she wants to due to her lack of self-control. She is still mad at him and will continue to hold a grudge, but after everything she has found out at Nationals it's too much to keep inside any longer.

She describes each game in excruciating detail, point by point. Praising everyone's growth that happened during each game cause apparently Karasuno doesn't know when to stop growing.

Eventually she gets around to her literal run in to Amanai-san, which dissolves into Yuu fangirling over her and relaying every detail about her she got out of Ryuu. Her grandpa smiles at the light in her eyes. It's been a long time since he’s seen her this excited about anything that isn’t about volleyball.

And then Yuu starts talking about her future, a realist future that won't cause her any of the current pain she has been feeling for the past decade. Her grandpa's smile stretches a far as his face allows it, cause seeing Yuu talk about the future at length with such hope in her eyes is the most beautiful sight he has ever seen in his seventy years of life.

"When is this amazing future of yours going to start? Humm? You finally getting tired of just surviving my girl? Gonna finally start living the life you deserve? Eh?"

"Soon Grandpa. Not quite yet, but I promise, soon, I'll start. I'm almost ready. Literally running into Amanai-san has finally helped me see the starting line." Yuu sees Grandpa's smile soften at her response.

"Guess I’ve waited this long for ya. Just don't keep me waiting too much longer. I'm excited to see who you become." Yuu accepts this. She and Grandpa are finally on the same page.

… … …

Yuu tells the Tanakas at the beginning of her third year. Right before the new first years are allowed to join practice as official members.

Ryuu and her are at the Tanakas’ place doing their best to knock each other's characters off the platform to their fiery deaths.

"Wait! before we start a new round I want to change my character."

"Seriously? But Link is your main? Who else would you want to possibly play as?" Ryuu gives her a confused look. Since the beginning of their game nights she has always played as Link.

Yuu doesn't answer as she quietly moves her cruiser over to the Wii Fit Trainer.

"Really bro?" Ryuu has an eye brow raised waiting for an explanation.

"Because…" she trails off. Damn, it shouldn't be this hard. She lives by a code. The one her grandpa helped build her life around. She can do this.

Yuu clears her throat. "Because I believe she represents me the best." Ryuu continues to display his confusion. "She is a female and has incredible musculature and athleticism that can beat the living shit out of Bowser." She then takes a deep breath and holds it.

Ryuu stares at her, sitting perfectly still. Then he trips over his feet in his rush to the door.

Yuu releases her breath and fails in trying not to cry. Of course Ryuu would hate her, and wouldn't be able to look at her any longer. She isn't the bro she built herself up to be. She is a terrible best friend for lying to him for so long after her epiphany that he helped her reach.

Yuu opens her eyes when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She is greeted with Nessan staring intently at her. Her eyes boring into her very soul. Ryuu is in her peripheries with the same stare. Yuu can't take the stares any longer and cries even harder.

She feels herself being hugged, with circles being rubbed along her back.

Once she manages to calm down the only sound in the room is the Smash Bros theme. Yuu musters up the courage to open her eyes and sees Neesan with concern on her face and Ryuu holding back something she can't place.

She tries to explain everything. Opening her mouth multiple times but air isn't able to move through her vocal cords. Shame fills her.

"Sorry about running out on you. Figured Neesan is better to talk to about this than me." Ryuu's voice sounds strained. His gaze is on the ground, face tinted red, and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"Nishinoya," oh no, Neesan has reverted back to her family name. She has ruined all the years of built up friendship with the Tanakas. It's all over, she will never be able to step foot again on this sacred ground– 

"Ryuu’s an idiot. He shouldn't have run out on you after what you told him. I apologize on his idiotic behalf." Ryuu makes a sound of protest but it is halfhearted. "I’m glad he got me though. How long have you felt like this? How long have you kept this to yourself?"

This time Yuu is able to push air out of her lungs and through her vocal cords. She tells her story in half formed sentences about her hair, her height, her attraction to boys. Her confusion, and the unfairness of life. About her mom, and dad, and grandpa. About the Yachi-Kiyoko-Asahi equation that Amanai finally solved. About her want for happiness, and to truly no longer be a coward. About her internal need to fully embody her personal code. And then about her fears of rejection that have replaced her previous nightmares.

She's catching her breath now, wishing one of the Tanakas would say something. Anything, instead of the unbearable judgmental silence she has lived with for so long. The Smash Bros theme abandoning its position as a distraction, tired of waiting to be played.

"Nishinoya, you are living by your code, by telling us now. Thank you for trusting us with this information." Neesan bows her head in respect. "How would you like to be addressed? Is calling you by your given name too much for you? If so we can stop."

Yuu is still in a semi-shocked state. A ‘Yes!’ tumbles out a bit louder and harsher than she intended. "Yes," she says quieter, "please call me Yuu, I don't hate my given name. It feels better being called Yuu when others know me as me. As a girl."

"YUU!!!" Ryuu throws himself on top of her. Tears free falling down his face, snot bubbles out of his nose, his own cries now audible. Yuu knows this is Ryuu accepting her in the only way he knows how. She breaks down again, this time with joy and relief. Her best friends now knows everything and the acceptance is overwhelming.

Neesan gets up to leave the room to answer a phone call. She comes back announcing she is going to start dinner. Ryuu questions about having to go to the restaurant to help with inventory but Neesan brushes it off. Stating a mini important emergency at home and that she and Ryuu are excused this time around. Yuu is relieved she doesn't have to leave the comfort of her friends just yet.

They start up their game again while waiting for Neesan to finish making dinner. Just as Yuu is about to select the Wii Fit Trainer she feels the remote being ripped from her hands and sees her cruiser now over Princess Peach. She lets out an undignified screech of a banshee.

"I am NOT a damsel in distress that constantly needs a short plumber to come rescue me. _Ryuu_." Ryuu subsequently starts laughing his ass off. "Rude Ryuu!"

"Sorry, sorry," he replies while wiping tears away. "Of course you aren't a damsel in distress. Here, I think this princess warrior is more your style.” Yuu looks back at the screen and sees her cruiser over Lucina. “There is no way you are a competent fitness trainer who helps people maintain The Tree Pose." Ryuu hands her back the controller.

A grin takes over her entire face. "Now you're in trouble. Be prepared to have your ass kicked!"

After a few rounds Neesan calls them down for dinner and it’s delicious, as expected from any of Neesan's dishes.

“So Yuu,” Nessan starts after she finishes her current bite of food, “does this stay between us or are we allowed to let our extended family know?" Yuu continues to eat as she ponders the question. She does have the ability to not blurt out the first things that pop into her mind.

"Can this stay between us for now? I'm not… I’m not ready for the rest of the world just yet." She gets nods of confirmation from the siblings.

The feelings of relief and acceptance rush at her again. She hopes she never gets used to these feelings, trying to engrave all of it into her memory bank.

… … …

Now that the Tanaka household knows everything she starts taking actions to secure the future in front of her. She does it in parts.

Ryuu officially introduces her to Amanai-san and Yuu is now in the same situation as Yachi and Kiyoko. Amanai-san insists to be called by given name because any friend of Ryuu's deserves that privilege and Yuu offers right back with the same reasoning.

Yuu has Kanoka-chan introduce her to the world of womens volleyball. It is very similar yet different from mens. She starts feeling more and more at home with herself.

She undertakes the large task of combining Yuu and Noya together, even though they were never separate entities to begin with. She figures out which parts of Noya is Yuu in disguise. She picks out which traits of Noya originally belonged to Yuu. Appreciating the way he fostered and grew them into what they are today. She sorts through which qualities Noya developed himself would fit best into Yuu, now that she is ready to be herself.

Yuu slowly starts referring to herself using watashi. First only around Grandpa and Dad. Then around Ryuu, Neesan and Kanoka-chan. She starts using it with more confidence when she meets Kanoka-chan's group of friends that she quickly becomes a part of. Last being the volleyball team at the end of their last day of practice.

"Wow Nishinoya-senpai! You are just like All Might! So Cool!!" Shouyou's comment helps evaporate all the awkwardness that followed the first time everyone realized she just referred to herself in a more feminine manner.

"Well Yuu is going to start playing professionally. So in preparation Yuu is practicing using watashi now to pre-emptively not look like a fool during important interviews." Ryuu is her hero.

"You already have such a huge ego now about your skills." Narita whines. "Are you really going to make it bigger cause you made it to the big leagues?" Kinoshita finishes. But Yuu knows they are just teasing her by the looks of mischief on their faces.

"He has to make it into the big leagues first." Tsukishima snide comments as he wipes the fog from his sports-glasses. "Which might be more of a challenge for him considering his stature." Ryuu's eyes get tighten around the corners as he gears up to start a fight on her behalf. She grabs Ryuu's arm, signaling to let it go, they don't know.

"Tsukki! I need your help in taking down the net instead of harassing our senpais."

Yachi looks up from calculating the stats around todays practice. "This is why you are next captain!" Yamaguchi flushes red at the comment, only to turn around and demand Shouyou and Kageyama to get the brooms out to wipe the floor down.

Ennoshita looks to be in more pain than usual. "Just don't float off into space with that inflated head of yours. We need you down on earth to play volleyball. Got it?"

Yuu gets into a saluting position, "You Got It Captain-San!!" She hears a long dramatic drawn out exasperated sigh as she challenges Ryuu to pick up more balls than her. Kageyama and Shouyou win the competition.

… … …

Yuu takes a gap year to focuses on herself. She goes to the doctors after graduation and demands to talk with a specialist. She gets herself a job at a maid café and pays rent for her own apartment. She continues to train hard in volleyball because one doesn't simply drop the sport that kept their life together.

She keeps in contact with Kanoka-chan and through her is able to set up a special tryout session for her team. Yuu passes with flying colors, surprising no one. She is then invited to one of their private practices once she gets everything else sorted out. She still can't officially play for the womens league yet… but the minuet she gets the all clear she will finish her tryouts and cement her spot.

Yuu gives Ryuu the task of making sure everyone who can attend her very first game in Sendai does. She knows she can count on him. He keeps her in the loop by sending endless funny texts from their friends depicting their confusion about his sudden obsession with womens volleyball. She snickers at the responses and doubles down on practice.

Yuu feels kind of bad for dropping all contact with the others but is hooked on the idea of her dramatic reveal, so she tries not to feel too guilty.

… … …

Yuu is waiting in the lineup with the rest of her team. Jacket on and towel over her head. Her teammates tease her about her dramatics but help her keep her cover. They all know how important this game is.

"Number 18, at 165 cm, Libero Nishinoya Yuu!" Yuu rips the towel off her head and flings the jacket aside. She runs onto the court and "ROOLING THUNDER!!!" She stands back up, head facing upwards towards the crowd with a gigantic grin plastered on her face.

Silence rings in her ears, even though the crowd continues its low rumble from the previous introductions. Her eyes dart around frantically, looking for Ryuu and the others. He refused to tell her who was able to show up, no matter how many bribes she tried to sway him with.

And then she spots them. Ryuu and Neesan standing side by side, waving around like the maniacs they are. Daichi is also there a row behind them with his hands cupped around his mouth. She can see Suga-san clinging on to Daichi's arm being the overly dramatic drama queen he is.

Yamaguchi has Shouyou on his shoulders who is holding up a sign with her team's name on it. Leave it to Shouyou to make a sign for a team he knows nothing about, not even knowing why he has to attend, because of Ryuu’s passionate about it.

She then spots Narita, Kinoshita and Tsukishima a couple rows behind them. All behaving like regular sports attendees on the outside, but she knows they are only acting this way to not be associated with the unruly group below.

"YUU!!! You go girl!! You kick their asses hard!" Ryuu's voice pierces the wall of silence and everything floods her senses at once. The roar of the crowd. The smell of air-salonpas mixed with onogi buns and sweat. The feeling of her sleeveless uniform. Everything is sharper and clearer than they have ever been. They all support her. They all know, and they are all going to see she is the best damn libero in the womens division.

After the game she showers and changes as fast as humanly possible while texting Ryuu for the meet up spot. She sprints to the designated flag pole in record time. There are too many hugs to count and a lot of conversations to keep track of, it gets a bit overwhelming. She is greatful Ryuu is her as a constant. Grounding her and reminding everyone not to crowd too much.

They go out for food after they get in trouble for loitering. Ryuu leads them all to the restaurant he and Neesan work at. Once they arrive she sees Asahi, Kiyoko, Yachi and Ennoshita waiting for them in a private room in the back.

Ennoshita looks dead on his feet, explaining he just got out of class and is stressed about starting his applications to PT school. Kiyoko and Yachi give her a keychain with a crow feather on it because it’s a mini project of theirs to make sure all of the alumni have one. They also insist on having a girls night the next time she has break in her volleyball schedule.

Lastly there is Asahi, fidgeting quietly in the corner. The glances she catches are filled with admiration and regret. It isn't until later, when she gets to have a one on one conversation with him, she learns they have a lot more in common with each other than either of them could have ever predicted.

The evening is filled with laughter, drinks and mouthwatering food. The conversations flows as chaotically as they did all those years ago. Daichi comments on how she eats as just much as she did in high school, maybe even more. Asahi mentions she is practically glowing and states her happiness and enthusiasm feel genuine now. Yachi slurs something about short people uniting to overthrow their tall overlords. Kiyoko struggles to reclaim her sake back from Yachi.

Suga-san asks her about her haircare routine, complaining about how the softness and shine is unfair. Shouyou is thrilled Yuu can now talk to him again and relays that Kageyama feels bad for not being here to celebrate with them due to his game being in a different region.

Narita and Kinoshita dramatically complain about how they had to be excluded from her life cause Yuu wanted to be extra. Ennoshita reminds them it was none of their business and Tsukishima is the extra one. Yamaguchi falls over, riddled with laughter as Tsukishima gives a smug look of approval.

Neesan takes videos and pictures for prosperity and her personal blackmail database. All the while Ryuu doesn't leave her side for an instant. Except for the restroom because that would be ‘ _weird Ryuu, even for us_.’

Yuu couldn't be happier and declares this day to be one of the top five days of her life.

Later that night after the festivities are over, while snuggling with Ryuu in his bed, she quietly writes down the day's events into her journal. Never wanting to forget this day and all of its special moments.

It joins the others in her disgruntled script. Others being: coming out to the Tanakas; discovering volleyball; the thrill and rush of starting hormones; and the sense of achievement at mastering the ability to eat six GariGari-Kun Popsicles in under a minuet. 

… … …

So what Yuu isn't a super girly girl. She can appreciate and enjoy a well-fitting skirt, while keeping bright colored shirts with idioms on them paired with ripped jeans as her normal getup. She is still as loud as humanly possible and has energy for days. Then switch to siting around for hours gossiping about the latest fashion trend while getting her nails done.

She continues to love loud over the top action movies and won't say no to a fist fight. Hair gel is replaced with braids and rubber bands. Yuu wraps the braid into a bun for games, while still supporting her signature blond streak.

She can be mad that she is still considered short, even by women's standards, and is slightly saddened by the fact she can't build and maintain muscle as she used to. But her face isn't as angular as it was, and she is filling out in all the right places. Yuu reveled in the demonic fact that she ‘forced’ Ryuu into helping her to buy her first sports bra.

Yuu isn't the most feminine of girls but she isn't the most masculine of them either. No, Yuu is Yuu and has found the perfect balance within herself. She is proud to say she no longer lives in constant confusion or fear or pain.

Yuu can now tell the world and anyone else who will listen that she is truly enjoying the life she created for herself.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumble](https://rayofsun936.tumblr.com/)


End file.
